{"id":786,"date":"2017-08-17T22:10:26","date_gmt":"2017-08-17T19:10:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.msxlabs.org\/sosyal\/?p=786"},"modified":"2017-08-17T22:10:26","modified_gmt":"2017-08-17T19:10:26","slug":"hayal-miydi-gercek-miydi-bilemedim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.msxlabs.org\/sosyal\/hayal-miydi-gercek-miydi-bilemedim\/","title":{"rendered":"HAYAL M\u0130YD\u0130, GER\u00c7EK M\u0130YD\u0130 B\u0130LEMED\u0130M\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00dcsk\u00fcdar\u2019dan Emin\u00f6n\u00fc\u2019ne ge\u00e7mek i\u00e7in vapura bindim. Yaln\u0131zd\u0131m. Hava \u00e7ok so\u011fuk, hafif ya\u011fmur \u00e7iseliyordu. \u00dc\u015f\u00fcyordum. Vapura binince hemen s\u0131cak bir yer arad\u0131m alt katlara bakt\u0131m ama herkes benim gibi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcnden her yer dolmu\u015ftu oturacak yer yoktu. Sabahtan beridir ayaktayd\u0131m ve ayaklar\u0131m \u00e7ok a\u011fr\u0131yordu en az\u0131ndan 10-15 dakika oturabilsem dinlenirdim belki diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Yukar\u0131ya \u00e7\u0131kt\u0131m bo\u015f yer vard\u0131 biraz yanlardan esiyordu. Kuytu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm yere ge\u00e7tim oturdum, sanki ayaklar\u0131m d\u00fcnyan\u0131n y\u00fck\u00fcn\u00fc ta\u015f\u0131yormu\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na hem a\u011fr\u0131yordu hem ac\u0131yordu. \u00d6yle rahatlad\u0131m ki, ayaklar\u0131m\u0131 yerden \u00e7ekip, arkaya do\u011fru k\u0131v\u0131rd\u0131m daha rahat ettim. So\u011fu\u011fu hissetmiyordum bile. Vapur hareket etti, k\u0131y\u0131dan biraz a\u00e7\u0131ld\u0131ktan sonra \u00e7ok \u015fiddetli bir r\u00fczg\u00e2r esti, eserken de \u00e7ok g\u00fcr\u00fclt\u00fcl\u00fc bir ses \u00e7\u0131kard\u0131. Vapurun \u00fcst\u00fc kapal\u0131 fakat yanlar a\u00e7\u0131kt\u0131 bu y\u00fczden de esen r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131n \u015fiddetiyle ya\u011fmur sular\u0131 da i\u00e7eriye vuruyordu. Biraz daha ilerledikten sonra denizin ortas\u0131nda bir \u015fey belirdi. Bembeyaz bir bulut mu duman m\u0131 anlayamad\u0131m. Bu beyazl\u0131\u011f\u0131n i\u00e7ine girdik. Birden r\u00fczg\u00e2r\u0131n sesi kesildi, ya\u011fmur da yoktu. Etrafta sadece beyaz bir duman vapur durdu. Ne ileri ne geri gitmedi. Etraf\u0131ma bakt\u0131m herkes yan\u0131ndakilerle koyu sohbete dalm\u0131\u015flard\u0131, kimi kitap okuyor, kimi ba\u015fka \u015feylerle ilgileniyordu. \u00c7ok fazla kar\u015f\u0131ya ge\u00e7medi\u011fimden herhalde normal bir durum dedim. Birden yan\u0131mdan bir ses bana;<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013 Merhaba dedi. Bakt\u0131m, g\u00f6zlerime inanamad\u0131m. Senelerce i\u00e7imde saklad\u0131\u011f\u0131m, kendime bile onu sevdi\u011fimi s\u00f6yleyemedi\u011fim adam\u2026 Kar\u015f\u0131mda duruyordu. G\u00f6zlerinin i\u00e7ine bakt\u0131m ve<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013 Merhaba, dedim. G\u00f6zlerimi ondan alamad\u0131m. Hayal g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fc d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. O ye\u015fil g\u00f6zleri hala \u0131\u015f\u0131l \u0131\u015f\u0131l parl\u0131yordu ve kalbim, onu g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm ilk g\u00fcn gibi yerinden \u00e7\u0131kacakm\u0131\u015f\u00e7as\u0131na \u00e7arp\u0131yordu.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013 Nas\u0131ls\u0131n? Ne ar\u0131yorsun burada, dedim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0 K\u0131sa s\u00fcreli\u011fine bir i\u015f i\u00e7in \u0130stanbul\u2019day\u0131m, dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ne b\u00fcy\u00fck tesad\u00fcft\u00fcr ki koskoca \u0130stanbul da on be\u015f sene sonra kar\u015f\u0131lamak. Zaman sanki durmu\u015ftu.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sen neler yap\u0131yorsun? Dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Bir arkada\u015f\u0131m gelecekti Tekirda\u011f\u2019 dan. Anadolu taraf\u0131na ge\u00e7ecek vakti olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131 i\u00e7in ben bu tarafa ge\u00e7mek istedim onu g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in uzun zamand\u0131r g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015femiyorduk,\u00a0 Saat 3 de Emin\u00f6n\u00fc\u2019nde bulu\u015faca\u011f\u0131z, dedim. O ara saate bakt\u0131m 14: 40 u g\u00f6steriyordu.\u00a0\u00a0 20 dakika var. Vapurda hareket etmedi hala dedim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0Endi\u015felenme yeti\u015firsin, dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ona bakarken zaman hi\u00e7 bitmesin istiyordum. Ona anlatacak o kadar \u00e7ok \u015feyim vard\u0131 ki, bilmesini istedi\u011fim, ona s\u00f6ylemek isteyip de baz\u0131 sebeplerden dolay\u0131 s\u00f6yleyemedi\u011fim ve en \u00f6nemlisi onun beni \u00e7ok sevdi\u011fini bildi\u011fim halde ona seni seviyorum diyemedi\u011fimi.\u00a0 \u00d6ylece g\u00f6zlerine bakakald\u0131m. O da bana bak\u0131yordu tebess\u00fcm ederek ve bana,<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Seni \u00e7ok \u00f6zledim, dedi<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00d6nce ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 \u00f6ne e\u011fdim sonra,<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Bende seni \u00e7ok \u00f6zledim, dedim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Vapur herhalde duman\u0131n kalkmas\u0131n\u0131 bekliyordu, bu da benim i\u015fime gelmi\u015fti, \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc onunla daha fazla vakit ge\u00e7irecektim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ba\u015flad\u0131k konu\u015fmaya saatlerce konu\u015ftuk. Bir ara Zeynep herhalde gitmi\u015ftir diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm. Ama Yi\u011fit yan\u0131mdayd\u0131. O bana anlatt\u0131, ben ona ge\u00e7mi\u015fteki g\u00fczel g\u00fcnlerden bahsettik, Sonra g\u00f6zlerimin i\u00e7ine bakt\u0131, yava\u015f\u00e7a ellerimi ellerinin aras\u0131na ald\u0131 ve bana,<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Seni \u00e7ok sevdim, dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 O an O ye\u015fil g\u00f6zlerin i\u00e7inde kayboldum, her yer ye\u015fil oldu sanki.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben tam ona ben de diyecekken,<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Sus ve dinle, dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Seni \u00f6yle \u00e7ok sevdim ki, sana kar\u015f\u0131 hissetti\u011fim bu duygular\u0131 hi\u00e7bir kimseye hissedemedim. Aradan y\u0131llar ge\u00e7ti, unuturum sand\u0131m ama olmad\u0131, unutamad\u0131m. Kimseyle evlenmedim. Kimseyi sevemedim. Hep seni arad\u0131m ve seni hala \u00e7ok seviyorum. \u015eimdi s\u00f6yle; bana s\u00f6ylemek istedi\u011fin bir \u015fey var m\u0131? Dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 S\u0131ms\u0131k\u0131 sar\u0131ld\u0131m ona, ba\u015flad\u0131m anlatmaya. Anlatamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m her \u015feyi anlatt\u0131m. Ben de seni seviyorum, dedim. L\u00fctfen ayr\u0131lmayal\u0131m. Beni b\u0131rakma dedim. Ben de y\u0131llarca hep seni sevdim dedim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Seni asla b\u0131rakmayaca\u011f\u0131m, dedi kula\u011f\u0131ma.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ve vapur hareket etmeye ba\u015flad\u0131. Biz konu\u015fmaya devam ediyorduk. Ona bakt\u0131k\u00e7a mutlu oluyordum, seneler sonra kavu\u015fmu\u015ftuk. Vapur Emin\u00f6n\u00fc ne gelmi\u015fti. R\u00fczg\u00e2r da yok, ama hafiften ya\u011fmur devam ediyordu. Herkes inmeye ba\u015flad\u0131 vapurdan biz el eleydik. Saate bakt\u0131m hala 14:40 eyvah saat durmu\u015f dedim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u0130nsanlar inmek i\u00e7in iti\u015fmeye ba\u015flad\u0131lar birden ellerimiz ayr\u0131ld\u0131, kalabal\u0131kta araya ba\u015fkalar\u0131 girdi, onu kaybettim. \u0130ndim a\u015fa\u011f\u0131da beklemeye ba\u015flad\u0131m. Yok, deli olmak \u00fczereydim. Onu bulmu\u015fken kaybedemezdim, bu d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnce beni \u00e7\u0131ld\u0131rtacakt\u0131. Bir el omuzuma dokundu,<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u0130\u015fim erken bitti seni burada bekleyeyim dedim, dedi<\/strong><\/p>\n

Zeynep\u2019ti bu,<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Ne bu tela\u015f ne oldu? Dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Yi\u011fit, dedim. O buradayd\u0131.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Hangi Yi\u011fit? Dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Bizim Yi\u011fit i\u015fte,<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 H\u0131mmm, dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Emin misin, bir yanl\u0131\u015f\u0131n olmas\u0131n, dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00c7ok k\u0131zg\u0131n bir ifadeyle,<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Tabi ki eminim, dedim ve ba\u011f\u0131rarak olanlar\u0131 anlatmaya ba\u015flad\u0131m.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Gel can\u0131m, \u015f\u00f6yle sakin bir yere, sana anlatacaklar\u0131m var, dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yeni Caminin avlusuna g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fc beni buras\u0131 \u00e7ok g\u00fczel ve sakin huzur dolu, seninle burada konu\u015fal\u0131m dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bense hala ona k\u0131zg\u0131nd\u0131m<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ne kadar yol geldik bizi bulamaz \u00e7ok ilerledik, dedim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Eminim o da burada yan\u0131m\u0131zda, deyince \u015fa\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Ne demek istiyorsun? Dedim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Bak can\u0131m Yi\u011fit\u2019i ge\u00e7en y\u0131l bu zamanlar trafik kazas\u0131nda kaybettik. Dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Nas\u0131l olur, ben hayal g\u00f6rmedim, dedim ve olanlar\u0131 ona anlatt\u0131m. O da;<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Benim i\u015fim erken bitti, vapur saatlerini \u00f6\u011frendim ve Emin\u00f6n\u00fc\u2019nde seni bekledim. 14:40 da gelir dediler. \u0130nan bana vapurun kalkt\u0131\u011f\u0131 saatten en fazla 20 dakika da geldiniz. 14.40 da buradayd\u0131n\u0131z ve bak saat 15 ama nas\u0131l olur dedim. Saatime bakt\u0131m. G\u00f6rd\u00fcklerime ve ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131ma inanamad\u0131m. Nas\u0131l olur nas\u0131l? Diye sorup duruyordum kendi kendime. Buna akl\u0131m ermiyordu.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u2013\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Neden olmas\u0131n? Dedi. Biliyoruz ki sen de o da birbirinizi \u00e7ok sevdiniz. Belki de Zaman i\u00e7inde, Rabbim Size \u00f6zel bir zaman yaratt\u0131 ve sizi kavu\u015fturdu. Birbirinize s\u00f6ylemek istediklerinizi s\u00f6ylediniz. Rabbimin kudreti \u00e7ok b\u00fcy\u00fck, bence bunu fazla kar\u0131\u015ft\u0131rma. Dedi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yi\u011fit\u2019in son s\u00f6zleri kulaklar\u0131mda \u00e7\u0131nl\u0131yordu. \u201cSeni asla b\u0131rakmayaca\u011f\u0131m \u201c diyordu. \u00d6lm\u00fc\u015f olaca\u011f\u0131na inanam\u0131yordum, birde olabilir mi diyordum iyice kafam kar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Son vapura kadar Zeynep\u2019le birlikte oturduk, sakinle\u015fene kadar asl\u0131nda. Son vapurla eve d\u00f6nd\u00fcm. Ruh gibiydim. Eve gelir gelmez,\u00a0 Yi\u011fit\u2019le ortak arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131z\u0131 arad\u0131m Yi\u011fit\u2019i sordum. Herkes ayn\u0131 \u015feyi s\u00f6yledi. Ge\u00e7en y\u0131l bu g\u00fcn onu kaybettik. Peki, neden haberim olmad\u0131? Dedim. Buna dayanamayaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fckleri i\u00e7in kimse s\u00f6ylemeye cesaret edememi\u015fti.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ellerimin aras\u0131ndan yitip giden Yi\u011fit\u2019ime a\u011flad\u0131m. Onsuz ge\u00e7en g\u00fcnlerime yand\u0131m. Pi\u015fmanl\u0131klar i\u00e7inde.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0Seni Sonsuza Kadar Sevece\u011fim Y\u0130\u011e\u0130T\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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