{"id":796,"date":"2017-08-20T20:07:12","date_gmt":"2017-08-20T17:07:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.msxlabs.org\/sosyal\/?p=796"},"modified":"2017-08-20T20:07:12","modified_gmt":"2017-08-20T17:07:12","slug":"hayaller-dualara-emanet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.msxlabs.org\/sosyal\/hayaller-dualara-emanet\/","title":{"rendered":"HAYALLER DUALARA EMANET\u2026"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bu sat\u0131rlar\u0131 can\u0131mdan \u00e7ok sevdi\u011fim, ama onun belki de beni g\u00f6rmek bile istemedi\u011fi birine yaz\u0131yorum. Eski bir dost diyebilirim ya da bir mevsimlik dert orta\u011f\u0131…<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sevmek, belki bir g\u00fcn okur diye \u015fair olmaksa ve ben y\u0131llard\u0131r bunlar\u0131 yazacak kadar \u015fair olduysam o da benim en g\u00fczel \u015fiirimdi.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bazen diyorum kendime neden diye? \u0130nsan kendisini \u00f6nemsemeyen sevmeyen \u00fcst\u00fcne \u00fcstl\u00fck can\u0131n\u0131 yakan, su\u00e7layan, ya\u015fanan an\u0131lar\u0131 yok sayan birini neden bu kadar sever diye…<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ama biz insan\u0131z f\u0131trat\u0131m\u0131zda sevmek var. Ne yap\u0131l\u0131rsa yap\u0131ls\u0131n kimsenin \u00fczerini \u00e7izemiyorum. Hele de bana bilgisiyle enerjisiyle bazen sesi bazen de nefesiyle huzur veren biriyse\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

O her defas\u0131nda benim ad\u0131m\u0131n \u00fczerini karalasa da ben onun ad\u0131n\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne \u00e7izgi bile \u00e7ekemiyorum.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hep yazd\u0131m. Onunlayken de yazard\u0131m ama bu kadar h\u00fcz\u00fcn y\u00fckl\u00fc de\u011fildi c\u00fcmlelerim. Yoklu\u011funun beni bu kadar mahvedece\u011fini bilseydim onu kaybetmemek i\u00e7in her g\u00fcn dua ederdim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Bir insan bir insan\u0131 neden sever bilir misiniz? Onda kendine ait bir \u015feyler g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc i\u00e7in sever. Hem de elinde olmayarak sever. Benimkisi bestesi hen\u00fcz tamamlanmam\u0131\u015f ve hi\u00e7bir zaman tamamlanmayacak olan bir \u015fark\u0131 gibi… Eksik par\u00e7alar \u00f6yle \u00e7ok ki. En \u00f6nemlisi de ben, \u00f6yle eksi\u011fim ki kendime. B\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131 bo\u015flu\u011fu doldurmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015ft\u0131k\u00e7a t\u00fckeniyor gibi, her g\u00fcn biraz daha eksiliyor gibiyim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Anlatam\u0131yorum derdimi, zaten anlatabilseydim yazar m\u0131yd\u0131m, onunlayken de konu\u015famazd\u0131m \u00e7o\u011fu zaman onu dinlerdim. G\u00fczel g\u00f6zlerine bakarak… Hi\u00e7 haberi bile yoktu onu \u00f6rnek ald\u0131\u011f\u0131mdan, ona hissettirmeden gittim yolundan… Ba\u015fka t\u00fcrl\u00fc kurtulu\u015fum yok gibi geldi bana. Her konu\u015fmas\u0131nda farkl\u0131 d\u00fcnyalara gittim. Yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 her \u015fey d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcrd\u00fc beni, beraberken hissettirdi\u011fi huzuru hi\u00e7bir yerde bulamad\u0131m.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Defalarca gittim kap\u0131s\u0131na, ama ben geldim diyemedim, eskisi gibi konu\u015fal\u0131m yine bana d\u00f6k i\u00e7ini diyemedim. Ge\u00e7ti\u011fi yoldan ge\u00e7tim, yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u015feyleri ezberledim. Ben onu her zerremde hissederken, o beni \u00e7oktan tarihin tozlu sayfalar\u0131na g\u00f6mm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fc… Bir yan\u0131m umut bir yan\u0131m bir daha g\u00f6remeyecek korkusuyla i\u00e7im yand\u0131 her gece… G\u00f6zlerimi tavana dikip saatlerce ge\u00e7irdi\u011fimiz k\u0131sa ama g\u00fczel g\u00fcnleri hayal ettim. Nas\u0131lda mazi olmu\u015ftu her \u015fey.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Beni ben yapan onun bana \u00f6\u011frettikleriydi\u2026 Hayat\u0131ma az da olsa k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fck ama anlaml\u0131 dokunu\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 sevdim. \u00c7aresizli\u011fimin son demlerinde \u201c\u00fcz\u00fclme hi\u00e7bir \u015fey senden \u00f6nemli de\u011fil\u201d s\u00f6z\u00fcyle y\u00fcre\u011fime oturan ta\u015f\u0131 bir anda yok etmesini nas\u0131l unutabilirdim. Ona sorsan hat\u0131rlamaz bile…<\/strong><\/p>\n

Herkesin hayat\u0131nda \u00f6ncelikleri var, onunda vard\u0131\u2026 Can\u0131ndan \u00e7ok sevdikleri\u2026 Bana g\u00f6re sevgisini gram hak etmeyenlerdi\u2026 Ama o seviyordu i\u015fte\u2026 Ba\u015fka kimseyi sevmeyi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnmeyecek kadar \u00e7ok hem de\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

Tek gayem biraz olsun ona huzur vermek, dertli y\u00fcre\u011fini bir an bile olsa dinlendirmekti\u2026 Olmad\u0131 i\u015fte.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dal\u0131ndan d\u00fc\u015fen yaprak gibi savruldum hayat\u0131ndan. \u015eimdi i\u00e7imde k\u00f6k salan sevgisinin alt\u0131nda her g\u00fcn daha \u00e7ok eziliyorum. Elindeki hazinenin anahtar\u0131n\u0131 kaybeden biri gibiyim. Ne bir ad\u0131m gidebiliyorum ne de silebiliyorum i\u00e7imden. Ad\u0131 hasret, ad\u0131 gurbet oldu bu eziyetin. Kalbime nefes ald\u0131rm\u0131yor bazen, s\u0131\u011fam\u0131yorum d\u00fcnyaya\u2026 Yolunu \u015fa\u015f\u0131rm\u0131\u015f seyyah gibi ne yana d\u00f6nsem onun yoklu\u011funa \u00e7arp\u0131yorum\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

K\u0131sac\u0131k zamanda bana \u00f6\u011fretti\u011fi \u015feyler hayat\u0131m\u0131n her an\u0131nda yolumu ayd\u0131nlatan \u0131\u015f\u0131k oldu. Kendimi o deryadan mahrum b\u0131rakt\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in aynalara bakas\u0131m gelmiyor. \u0130nsan ka\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131nda ya\u015flan\u0131r, onu kaybetti\u011fim g\u00fcnden beri her g\u00fcn bir y\u0131l daha ya\u015flan\u0131yorum. Her g\u00fcn biraz daha \u00f6l\u00fcyor hislerim\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u0130\u015fte s\u0131rr\u0131m\u0131n h\u00fckm\u00fc bu ben \u00f6lsem de ona yazd\u0131klar\u0131m \u00f6m\u00fcr boyu ya\u015fas\u0131n istiyorum… Belki ahirete kalm\u0131\u015ft\u0131r vuslat\u0131n mu\u015ftusu…<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cBir insan senin elinle cennete girecekse ona kap\u0131lar\u0131n\u0131 nas\u0131l kapat\u0131rs\u0131n\u201d diyor Mevlana\u2026 Ke\u015fke sadece kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 kapatsayd\u0131 ama o bana g\u00f6nl\u00fcn\u00fcn muhabbetini, r\u0131za yolundaki nasihatlerini kapatt\u0131. Biliyorum hi\u00e7bir zaman yoklu\u011funda a\u011flayan g\u00f6z\u00fc, kendisine edilen dualar\u0131 ona yazan elleri ve bir g\u00fcn gelir mi diye bekleyen umutla hasret kar\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u0131 olan bu kalbi hi\u00e7 bilmeyecek. Ho\u015f bilse ne de\u011fi\u015fecek. Geri gelir mi o g\u00fcnler, yine anlat\u0131r m\u0131 deryas\u0131ndaki t\u0131ls\u0131ml\u0131 hayat derslerini\u2026 Y\u00fcre\u011fi yanarken d\u00f6kt\u00fc\u011f\u00fc g\u00f6zya\u015flar\u0131n\u0131, yine d\u00f6ker mi g\u00f6zlerinden\u2026 D\u00f6kmesin zaten o hi\u00e7 a\u011flamas\u0131n\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cRahman\u2019\u0131n a\u015fk\u0131na giden yol be\u015ferin elinden ge\u00e7ermi\u015f,\u201d ben o yoldaki rehberimi kaybettim. Ba\u015fka kimse yok mu diyebilirler\u2026 Var elbet. Ama beni onun kadar anlayan\u0131 yok, olmad\u0131 i\u015fte\u2026 Olur, gibi olanlar oldu ama onun yeri dolmad\u0131 i\u015fte\u2026 Kendimden onu \u00e7\u0131karsam geriye bir \u015fey kalm\u0131yor. Siz hi\u00e7 dostunuzu kaybettiniz mi? Daha dost bile olamam\u0131\u015fken\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ben onun bana \u00e7izdi\u011fi ufku sevdim. O gidince biter sand\u0131m, ama bitmedi \u00e7\u00fcnk\u00fc ben onu de\u011fil onun bana g\u00f6sterdi\u011fi yolu sevmi\u015fim.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hayat her \u015feye ra\u011fmen eksi\u011fiyle fazlas\u0131yla devam ediyor… \u015eimdi tek gayem onun deryas\u0131ndan ald\u0131\u011f\u0131m birka\u00e7 damla ile kurak topraklara g\u00fcl ekmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum. Onun y\u00fcre\u011fime a\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131 y\u00fcce mefk\u00fbresini ya\u015fatmaya \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yorum hi\u00e7 bilmedi\u011fi sinelerde\u2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

Dualara s\u0131\u011f\u0131nd\u0131m \u015fimdi… Bir g\u00fcn g\u00f6n\u00fcl kap\u0131s\u0131n\u0131 tekrar a\u00e7ar da, gel der mi diye bekliyorum, umudumun boynu b\u00fck\u00fck olsa da\u2026 Onu, onu Yaradan dan istiyorum. Hasbelkader birle\u015firse yolumuz yine onun ikliminde ondan habersiz \u0131slanmay\u0131 diliyorum. Kendi karanl\u0131k d\u00fcnyam\u0131n enkaz\u0131ndan s\u0131yr\u0131l\u0131p onun k\u0131r\u0131lm\u0131\u015f hayallerine can vermek, bir nebze olsun g\u00fczel y\u00fcz\u00fcne yeniden tebess\u00fcm olmak istiyorum\u2026 Bu umudumu canl\u0131 tutan Rabbime \u015f\u00fck\u00fcrler olsun…<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

...<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":797,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[44,112,45],"class_list":["post-796","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-hikayeler","tag-ask","tag-hayal","tag-hikaye"],"yoast_head":"\nHAYALLER DUALARA EMANET\u2026 - MsXLabs Sosyal<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.msxlabs.org\/sosyal\/hayaller-dualara-emanet\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"tr_TR\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"HAYALLER DUALARA EMANET\u2026 - 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